i can't wait till winter time comes because it will finally be cool. it's so hot and its making me so lazy. i finally cleaned up some stuffs in my room. i'm so sweating a lot. i'm also not taking care of myself, i've been using my eye contacts thats not making my eyes feel good. i definitely need new glasses. im getting blind. i want to try that new hard lenses. i haven't been happy this year. im tired of this routine life. i can't leave because financially im not ready. i wish i had ac and my own house in las vegas and be with him. im getting blind, i need to lose 10 lbs and take care of my skin means no chocolate and i have to use my retainers. im changing my lifestyle so when im in vegas with him ill be better. all i really want is my own house w/lots of spaces, the right things for my things. my dream is to have my own house. i really have to save my money. i finally took a long cold shower and it feels great to be clean. it's warm in my room but i can't help it. i don't really want to go out 2nite but since its free and its belle's bday i will. plus i have to give her gift and jonah gift. so we'll leave around 10. so everyday i'm going to drink tea and take my vitamins.  just breakfast and lunch and snack for dinner. i need to lose weight. avoid chocolates esp candies. 

so i was late to work this morning because i woke up late and bought breakfast at mcd. i drank coffee because i felt tired. anyways, me and anela was talking. she asked me if i was still seeing michael and i told her no. i wonder why she did ask me that though. oh well when we were going to maui lani last night w/mom and i told her that mike's mom lives here and what do you know he was there. a few houses down. anyways, i think he saw me because i was standing out by the sidewalk talking to my cousins. but oh wells we're just going to end it by just not calling each other anymore. why do i want to be with someone who wants to hide our relationship and everything he's said in the past especially in may. so at work, i was busy and stressed out. i always feel that way when our cpa office needs tax info. when bob comes back from his vacation in september and shar is gone, i'm going to tell him about hiring a new receptionist. when it gets busy in the office in the employment dept she's not reliable to get the job done. i mean we had to take away some of her duties. she will have 3 kids and i'd like to have someone with me in the office at 7. i just want to go on my vacation already and move to vegas in 2 years. i'm just going to stay for the money and work experience. i'll most likely move in  oct or nov 2008. that seems such a long time but i will though. i want to have my own house be independent, start a new life a better and happy one. well its 740 and i'm going to have a cigarette. i ate a lot today. big breakfast and pizza for lunch. so all i'm having is a few cookies. 

so my boss told the owner about her leaving and me leaving. i have so much to do because i am leaving. anyways, the owner did not know that i was filipino. he thought i was japanese-asian. i know i do look asian. he always compliments me on how pretty or beautiful i look. i feel flattered whenever someone tells me that because i wasn't before. anyways, i got home and i added text messaging. so now i can text but i'm leaving for the PI though next tuesday morning. anyways, went to walmart to buy bro's luggage, then ross to buy my luggage and i bought these steve madden shoes for $20. although it is a half size bigger i wanted it. it's so cute! anyways went to drop off my bro at gymnastics then went to the mall to hold these shoes for rodney and belle to pick up for me w/bran's discount tomorrow. anyways, went to maui lani to see my aunty and cousin from vegas. ate dinner and chilled with my cousins till they left. then went to kam ave and chill w/my other cousins till my mom wanted to go home. then i got home and showered. i couldn't really talk to jon because i was at my cousins house. i can't wait to go to the PI. i have my luggage and now i'm ready to start packing tomorrow though. i'm tired. going to bed now.

so i asked my boss for leave. 3 weeks i'll be in the PI. we were supposed to fly out on saturday but there were no flights to davao on saturday so we are all going next tuesday. i really want to go off this rock and see my papa, mama and brother rodney. i want to get away from home this routine life and work. i have to tell my boss tomorrow that i have to come back to work on wed on the 16th instead of monday because i didn't want to fly out w/any of my aunties/uncles. i talked to jon. when i call he doesn't answer and he calls me because he knows that i have free incoming. well i was on myspace and messaged my friends. when i come back to maui and get a 2nd job or when i start getting bonuses again in october i will get text messaging. jon got me into it. i really like this text messaging. so i was talking to jon for over an hour and we talked alot. he wanted to talk to me because he won't be talking to me for 3 weeks when i am in the PI. well its now 1142 pm and i'm going to bed. i have to wake up early tomorrow.

so i just heard from my cousin that my papa is not doing very well. i really want to go to the PI to see my papa and mama but i still have to wait for my passport save up a lil more money for my ticket, and since i can only take off for only 2 weeks i'd want to go when everyone else is there. i really don't want to go there when i get my period because  i don't like to be on anything during any trip. that is why i didn't have a good time in las vegas because i got mines the day i left so i had mines throughout the vacation. plus i have to tell my boss and train whoevers going to do my job. i actually want to leave on tuesday august 8. if i leave august 8 i'll go back to work on thursday august 24. if i leave aug 10 and go back to work mon. august 28. i think thursday would be best to leave. arrive in pi on the 11th and leave pi on 26th. so i will be there for 15 days. if i leave on tuesday i'll save about $100 on the flight. i have to take that august 8 flight. 

my life here on maui seems so routine and nothing to look forward to. i'd rather be here on maui after my life in nc. i have so much freedom, i feel safer, it's home and my family are always here for me. but now that i have accomplished what i wanted before i came here i feel like i'm alone in my heart. maybe once i come back from the PI i will keep myself busy by getting a 2nd job. i just want to work for my dreams to come true. the material things that i want only makes me happy temporarily. so i am certain that i will be moving out of here for a long time. this is my current life
all i do here is work, come home, watch tv, go on my pc. when there's dinner w/family thats where i'll be. my job pays my bills and gives me money to buy the things i want/need to get by
now that i have accomplished some of my goals i want to be w/jase and start our dreams. but that's not happening. so i'm going to 2 parties a grad/wedding w/my mom. i want to spend more time w/my parents for everything they do for me. now that i know i'll be leaving to vegas for all of my life. hopefully i can retire back home in maui. my name,
 my hair, my nose, my eyes, my body, my height.
i love this song that i heard from soap talk it's called unbelievable by kaci brown. it's stuck in my head. so i went to a grad party w/mom and her friend and then a wedding in wailuku just to get food. anyways i got home by 9. i called jon but he didn't answer he called me an hour later but i didn't answer. i called him when i got home but he's prolly sleeping. oh wells. i don't know why my stomach is sore. since thursday night after dinner. anyways, tomorrow i have to do my laundry, clean the bathroom and maybe my chevy tahoe. i'm going to reshape my eyebrows and polish my nails because it's awful. what am i going to do. as always surf the web.

last night it was chelsea bday so there was dinner at kam ave. after work, i talked to my mom about moving to vegas in 2008. i realized that i want to make my dreams come true. and that is to have my own house w/a family in it. i know being here on maui, it won't come true for a long time. im unhappy with my job but i'm there because it pays the bills and the experience will be good now that i have decided to leave. i know for sure i'm leaving. i want to be independent, explore other places. i had that life when i was with jase but that time and place was not meant for me. w/jase how we met through friends, became friends, dated, fell in love and married all within one year. i just didin't want to lose him to someone else because he is a hard guy to find. im just scared to start over. i would like to meet someone the way i met jase and how jase is. but more outgoing w/me. when i came back to maui in 2004 my plans were to work here and save up to move to vegas and move up w/my cousin this year. then in summer 2005 i didn't want to leave maui anymore and if i was going to leave i wanted my brother to live with me in vegas. in early 2006 i wanted to stop seeing mike and get back wtih jase, but he didn't want to and so i stayed with mike, then in march i wanted to change my boring life and wanted to have a family and be with mike but things didn't go well and i decided that in june 2006 that i was going to stop seeing him and focus on my designs. then i heard the news about my papa and i was unhappy with my job and now i want to leave maui to buy a house in vegas. that's something i've always dreamed of having a house of my own. i would love to be here on maui because it's my home and my family is here but if i don't get my dreams here i'm going to leave. so i've decided to stop seeing mike since last month. if i stay with him i'd never truly be happy and i would be wasting my time with someone who wasn't worth my time when i could be with someone who will be. so i'm talking to this guy who is my age but he lives in lv. he's a good guy to talk to. i used to talk to jase but he brings up a conversation i don't want to talk about and talking with this other guy is better. i like his personality but i don't know about actually hooking up. just because of a few things like how we met, the fact that's he's so tall, he speaks filipino and i can't understand, and also some of his interests about old import cars. 

lately i have been thinking about what i want to do by the time i'm 30. that's about 6 years from now. i talked to my mom and have decided that i'm going to move to vegas in 2 years oct or nov 2008. after i make my 4 years at aie and the year that my bro grads from h.s. i pray that my bro will live with me over there because i want to live with a close family member. i am going to be better towards my parents not just because of this but because i love them and thank them for all their support all these years and i pray that they will help us get a house there. i know for a fact that i will never be able to get a  house here. i prollly could but i would have to work really hard. so i'm canceling my dreams of my design biz for now. i know  that hawaii is my home but my family will not make my dreams come true. so the next two years i'm going to be saving up for my move. so after my trip to PI i'm going to get a 2nd job for sure. i need to save at least $12 G before i move. i already have $1G so i have $11G to go. i know i will have to pay my car loan(to my parents),  car ins, mortgage/utilities, gas, daily expenses. i will make sure my credit cards are all paid off before i go. well it's almost 11pm and i am tired so i'm going to bed. 

last night i went to walmart then to my cousins house and met up with them to go to church. we went to dinner at ihop and chilled at my cousins house and talked stories for awhile. we haven't done those in awhile. anyways, i came home and i tried to go to sleep but i couldn't sleep. and mike called me around almost 1 this morning and then he called early around 730. he left a message saying that he wanted to see me before he goes on vacation. i don't want to be with him anymore. although i do want to know where he's going. he'll always be a friend to me. at work i was so tired and sad. there were many of times when i just wanted to cry because thinking of my Papa in the ICU at the hospital. i am so scared when that day comes when my mom tells me something about him. i took a nap for almost 3 hours and i woke up watched my soaps. took a shower and talked to jon and told him how i felt about today. well i talked to my boss and she's willing to give me my paid vacation to use even before i earned it in september. i'm so thankful for that. during my lunch break i went to sears to take my passport photos and man when i take professional photos i don't look that good. i guess it's front face. i usually take pics from my sides. when something like this happens in life, you reflect on your present life. how you want to live your life happy, forget about the past what people said to make you mad or sad. it makes you think of that anything could happen at any time in your life and you want to accomplish all the things you want in life before your time is over. i know i may not have much friends and i don't mind really because i have a lot of family who cares about me, who has been there and always will no matter what. but i'll treasure those friends who are true. it past 11 pm and im not sleepy but i should though. i have a lot of work to do this week. anyways, i sent belle a myspace message asking her to hang out. i took a 3 month break from her because of what happened between me and mike.thinking of what happenes when you pass and who will be there you want to leave with a good note. well i'm going to go out tomorrow night with my cousins. just the girls. we need this night out together . although it does cost money but being all together are priceless moments. thats why i want to live my life happy. buy what i want. although i am missing a few things but i have to be patient the time will come when i'll be living my dreams. well that's all for now. i'm getting blind and tired of looking at the pc.

so last week my papa in the pi and oahu went to the hospital in the ICU. my papa in the PI is still there and my mom just told me that my cousins and my aunties/uncles are going there soon to visit him . i just put in my request for a week vacation and got approved for november. but now i may have to cancel that and save my money for an emergency trip to the PI. i want to go to the PI. we all do. the ticket itself right now is pretty expensive. so from now on, i have to start saving money. i guess i wont be getting the 2nd job yet. so i'm going to church every sundays even if i'm by myself. so i'm going to the mall or walmart before i go to church with my cousins at 6pm mass. im so into this online photo album because i want to email it to my family and friends. i hesistated on putting pics on the web because i don't want anyone to take it and edit them.